Numbuhs and Dragons
by Sweet Kid 2020
Summary: A parody of the Spongebob episode, "Dunces and Dragons". Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 4 must rescue Queen Rachel from Lord Benedict and defeat his five dragons with the help of the Dark Knight and Hogwise, the royal fool.


**So, suprise!**

**Another shootout goes to zcross1997, who helped me figure out how to get the script and came up with the cast.**

**I own nothing**

**...**

Numbuhs 3 and 4 rushed to Medieval Moments as fast as they could with sheer excitement.

"Hurry, Kuki!" Numbuh 4 cried, "It's almost time for the joust!"

"Right behind you, Wally!" Numbuh 3 laughed.

When they arrived, a fanfare played, and a man's voice said, "Welcome to Medieval Moments. You're just 20 wizard's paces away from swords, sorcery, and bad hygiene."

The two kids started laughing with excitement again as they rushed to the entrance, where a teenager dressed as a nobleman was waiting.

"Right this way, please." The teen said in a monotone voice.

"Excuse me, my good man," replied Numbuh 4, "I believe thou meant to say, 'Righteth this wayeth.'"

He and Numbuh 3 both giggled as they went through the entrance.

The teen took out his dagger, then stopped himself, "Some day, but not today."

Inside the castle, Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 4 were eating mutton as they waited for the joust to begin.

"How's that mutton, Kuki?" Numbuh 4 asked.

"Methinks it's mutton-tastic!" Numbuh 3 replied.

A fanfare sounded as the crowd gathered for the jousting tournament.

A young woman dressed as a queen nudged a young man dressed as a king, "Morrie, you're supposed to announce the jousting tournament!"

The king stood and began to speak, "Good evening, fair patrons of Medieval Moments. By royal decree, we ask that two audience members come forth and participate in the, uhh, royal joust."

Numbuhs 3 and 4 raised their hands.

The king saw them raise their hands, "Oh, alright. It appears that the happy little girl wearing a green sweater and the little boy with the bowl cut are our lucky contestants tonight. Hooray."

"Isn't this exciting, Kuki?" Numbuh 4 asked, "To think, we'll be watching the joust this close up!"

"You won't be watching the joust," one of the royal henchmen informed them, "you're in the joust."

Numbuh 4 looked at Numbuh 3, "Kuki, do you know how to ride a horse?"

"Nuh-uh." Numbuh 3 replied.

The next thing they knew, they were mounted on two horses galloping toward each other on opposite sides of the stadium.

"Mr. Horse, sir, you're gentle on beginners, aren't you?"

Numbuh 3 began to panic as Numbuh 4's horse got nearer to her, "Wally, help!"

The whole crowd shouted, "Take his head off!"

Numbuh 4 gulped, "I don't suppose now would be a good time to ask for a bathroom break!"

Both screamed as Numbuh 4 hit Numbuh 3 clear out of the stadium.

"Kuki!" Numbuh 4 cried as his horse threw him out of the stadium.

Numbuh 3 landed outside and breathed a sigh of relief, "Glad that's over."

Numbuh 4 then landed on top of her., and noticed a cavalry of kids riding towards him and Numbuh 3, "Look, Kuki! Some kids who dressed up came to help us!"

One kid pointed at them and commanded, "Arrest these traitors for committing the act of witchcraft by falling from the sky!"

Numbuh 4 touched the point of one of the spears they were pointing, "Whoa, they really go that extra mile for authenticity. Salutations fellow knights."

"Silence, heathen!" The kid bellowed, slicing Numbuh 4's helmet in half.

"Ah! I get the point."

The next thing Numbuhs 3 and 4 new they were both tossed in the dungeon.

"Good night, ladies!" The dungeon master taunted, "You'll have many more in here."

Numbuh 4 looked around unfazed, "Gee, Kooks, these props sure are convincing."

Both then heard harmonica playing. Numbuh 2's ancestor Hogwise was playing the harmonica.

Hogwise stopped playing and shouted in exasperation, "Oh, blast this confounded instrument! If I never play with ease, may my own great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson be cursed tenfold! But instead when it comes to telling jokes."

"Numbuh 2," asked Numbuh 3, confused, "what are you doing here?"

Hogwise looked around confused, then back at the other two kids, "Dost thou talketh to me?"

Numbuh 4 laughed, "Good one, Numbuh 2. 'Dost thou talketh to me?'"

"Scoff not, young squire." Hogwise replied, "Thou hast mistaken me for another. I am Hogwise, the king's royal fool. Or at least I was until I royally messed up."

"Wow, what'd you do?"

"I'll show you."

Hogwise then played a note and began to sing:

_I was the king's favorite fool. I made merry mirth and laughter. _

_Then I told one bad joke and the king had a stroke, now I hang from ye olde rafter._

Numbuh 3's stomach started to rumble, "What does a girl have to do get some mutton around here? I'm starving!"

"Don't hold thy breath!" Hogwise replied, "We'll be lucky if we get fed again by the 12th century!"

"They sure do take their role-playing seriously around here." Numbuh 4 observed.

Suddenly, there was an explosion outside

"What's that?" Numbuh 3 asked.

Hogwise explained it by singing:

_The evil wizard's dragons are here. See the townsfolk scream with fear._

_See the townsfolk try to run. I can tell this won't be fun. _

_The dragons will torch everything. Everything in the valley. _

_Hospitals, schools, retirement homes, and even ye olde bowling alley._

"Not the bowling alley!" cried a citizen as the dragons, who resemble the Delightful Children, zapped the bowling alley into dust.

Back in the dungeon, Numbuh 4 finally figured something out.

"Knights, jesters, dragons, medieval bowling alleys, 12th century? Don't you see, Kuki? We really are in medieval times!"

"Oh no," exclaimed Numbuh 3, "I think I left the water running at home!"

The dungeon master then entered, "The king wants a word with you two."

"Yay!" Numbuh 3 cheered.

"Wait," said Numbuh 4, "we don't leave without Hogwise."

"Why should I take him?" The dungeon master asked.

"Because, umm, Hogwise has thought of some brilliant songs for the king and he just has to hear them. Isn't that right, Hogwise?"

Hogwise nodded, "Absolutely."

He then started playing his harmonica.

Numbuh 4 stopped him, "Hogwise, uhh, maybe you should wait for the king to hear that."

"Suit thineselves. Thou dost not knoweth what thou art missing."

Back in the throne room, King Uno, who resembles Numbuh 1, was having a problem of his own.

"Woe is me. Woe is me. Woe is me." King Uno bawled, "What to do? What to do?"

Queen Rachel, who resembles Numbuh 362, looked at him with concern, "Darling, what art thou going on about now?"

"Oh, just the same old thing, dear wife." King Uno replied, "It's that wretched wizard Benedict! His insidious dragons destroyed half the kingdom. Soon, there'll be no citizens left. Not one of my best knights have been able to defeat him."

The stress caused him to start having a stroke.

"Nigel," the queen warned, "remember your blood pressure. You wouldn't want another leech treatment, would you?"

To prove the queen's point, one of the nearby leeches made a small noise.

Then, one of the king's henchmen entered, "Your highness, the dungeon master has brought the prisoners you asked for."

"Well don't just stand there, send them in!"

"Sure thing, your highnessssssssss."

King Uno and Queen Rachel looked at each other blankly in response to that.

Numbuh 4 saw King Uno and waved, "Hey, Numbuh 1!"

"How dare you bark at me in that tone, knave! I am the ruler of this kingdom and will be addressed as such."

"Sorry."

"And why have you brought this fool back into my throne room?"

Hogwise bowed before King Uno, "If your majesty may be so kind, I think I have a song that will answer all your questions."

King Uno rolled his eyes, "Ohh, alright, alright! But this is your last chance, fool."

"Oh, thank you sir. Thank you. You won't be disappointed."

Hogwise then played a note and began to sing:

_Oh hear me king for I must sing, how you are the greatest at everything. _

_Like letting five dragons burn down our city, a horrible sight that wasn't pretty. _

_'Twas all your fault and 'tis a pity, _

_You are bad, you are to blame, now hang your kingly head in shame. [Hogwise shakes his butt and Numbuhs 3 and 4 giggle] La la la la la la la la la la la!_

Numbuhs 3 and 4 joined in the song, which was starting to irritate the king.

_The king is bad, the king's to blame, he hangs his kingly head in shame. La la la la la la la la la la la!_

"Guards!" King Uno shouted, "Send these slanderers back to the dungeon!"

"Wait, you don't understand!" Numbuh 4 cried, "We're not from here!"

"That's because you're witches who were sent by Benedict to destroy me!"

"No, we're time travelers!"

The king began to get angrier.

"Help me out here, Kuki." Numbuh 4 begged Numbuh 3.

Numbuh 3 shrugged, "I'm not sure that there's anything I can add at this point."

King Uno cut in, "Ok, I'm through playing around. Guards!"

Queen Rachel suddenly spoke up, "Nigel, you must free them. Hast thou forgotten about the prophecy?"

"What prophecy?"

"The one right above your head!"

King Uno looked up, "How long has that been there?"

"The story tells of two brave knights who fall from the sky, and are sent by the king to rid the lamenting town of the evil dragons controlled by the flaming wizard. Nigel, don't you get it? It's them! These strangers have come to rescue us, like in the prophecy."

Suddenly, the dragons broke through the wall.

King Uno stood and shouted defiantly, "How dare you defile my house, demons!"

The dragons then zapped him and grabbed Queen Rachel.

"Queen Rachel!" King Uno cried, "I'm coming, Rachel! Prepare to meet thy maker, foul beast!"

Before the king could stop them they flicked him away.

Numbuh 4 looked at Numbuh 3 with tears in his eyes, "Well, I guess this is it, Kuki."

"I guess so. I'm gonna miss you, Wally!"

"I'll miss you, too!"

Both began sobbing as King Uno continued to struggle with the dragons, who knocked him to the ground, and proceeded to take Queen Rachel away.

"Nigel, help!" Queen Rachel cried out.

"Rachel!" King Uno began to weep, "Can no one stop this madness?"

A light began to shine on Numbuhs 3 and 4.

"You two, my apologies." King Uno said to them, kissing their feet, "Most noble and valiant warriors."

"I guess this is what you call the royal treatment." Numbuh 3 remarked.

"May Heaven grant you safety on your perilous journey to the evil wizard's castle from which no one has escaped alive!"

Numbuh 4 looked shocked, "We're going on a perilous journey?"

"Well, of course, you're the chosen ones. Huh, what's this? A lost piece of the prophecy? Hmmm…"

"Lemme guess, more praise for our heroic stature?"

King Uno looked back at them, "Actually, it says I'm supposed to kick you out of here."

"Say no more, Your Majesty. Us tough knights are so tough, we kick ourselves out of places. Come on, Numbuh 3!"

Numbuh 4 then kicked himself out.

"Look out, trouble!" Numbuh 3 called out, kicking herself out.

Hogwise shrugged, "Well, so much for their company."

He then started playing his harmonica.

King Uno cringed, "On second thought, you better go with them. They could use the entertainment."

"Have it your way."

"Good luck, strange ones!" King Uno called.

...

Numbuhs 3 and 4, and Hogwise were now walking down the road.

"I know we're a prophecy and all, but I don't think we can stop the dragon with our bare hands." Numbuh 4 said.

Numbuh 3 nodded, "Yeah, we need some gloves."

"Perhaps yonder blacksmith can provide some arms for your battle." Hogwise suggested.

"At last, an honest man of the soil." Numbuh 4 exclaimed, "Observe, as a I effortlessly commingle with this brutish native."

He then entered the blacksmith shop, "Greetings, iron man. I am Sir Numbuh 4 of Sector…"

The blacksmith sudddebly grabbed him with his tongs.

"...V."

"I told you people before," said the blacksmith, "I'll have the rent when I have it!"

"We just wanted to buy some armor."

"Well, why didn't you just say that?" The blacksmith asked, letting Numbuh 4 go, "Hmmm, I've got just the thing for you."

Outside the shop, Numbuh 3 was inspecting her new helmet.

"This is awesome!" Numbuh 3 exclaimed, putting the helmet over her already worn helmet, "Hey, Wally, get out here!"

Numbuh 4 came out standing on metal legs and wearing a big protective helmet.

"Wow, Wally, you look incredible!" Numbuh 3 gushed.

"And now for the piece de resistance." The blacksmith said, welding a sword for Numbuh 4, "Your sword, brave knight. Hand-forged from anodized dragon's skin. It is truly a weapon worthy of a knight of your stature."

Numbuh 4 struggled to hold the sword, "A little heavy, isn't it?"

He suddenly dropped the sword, which pierced through the blacksmith's chest

The blacksmithed laughed, unfazed, "That's gonna need some stitches. Let me see what I else I got."

He searched through a chest of weapons, "Unfortunately, all I have in the way of light weaponry is this butterfly net.

He then handed the net to Numbuh 4.

Numbuh 4 shrugged, "It might come in handy."

The trio then set out for the castle of Lord Benedict.

"We doth have a long journey ahead of us." Hogwise said to the other two.

Numbuh 4 pulled a brown bag full of cereal out of his pocket, "It's a good thing I packed us a lunch of delicious Rainbow Munchies."

"Ooh!" Numbuh 3 responded.

Numbuh 4 put the brown bag back in his pocket.

Elsewhere, Benedict, who resembled Father, was observing the three heroes in his crystal ball, whose voice sounded an awful lot like Cree.

The queen was nearby, bound in rope.

Benedict chuckled, "This be the legendary prophecy?! Oh, that be-eth rich. 'Twould almost insult me were it not so funny."

"Benedict," the crystal ball replied, "thou art cocky and overly confident with thyself."

"Trusteth in me, Cree. I doth knowest what I am doing. Come hither, children!"

The dragons obeyed and Benedict continued, "Deliver my demands onto his majesty, King Uno."

He then laughed maniacally, followed by coughing.

Our three heroes all headed to the bridge to stop the evil wizard, but a Dark Knight blocked their path

The Dark Knight bellowed in a dark male voice, "Halt! Who goes there?"

Hogwise gasped, "Doth my eyes betray me? 'Tis the nefarious Dark Knight!"

He then started singing, again:

_Oh, Dark Knight, spare us please, don't cut off our heads or boil our knees. _

_Pray take these two and let me go free _

_And I will give to thee some... cheese! [moo in the background]_

"Dark Knight?!" Numbuhs 3 and 4 exclaimed at the same time.

The Dark Knight commanded again, "I ask you once more. Before I rip thee limb from limb, reveal thyself!"

"I am Numbuh 4 and this is Numbuh 3." Numbuh 4 replied, laughing nervously, "We've been sent to rescue Queen Rachel from Benedict."

"If thou wishes to get across, thou willst have..." the Dark Knight then revealed herself as Medieval Numbuh 5 and spoke with a female voice, "...to get through me!"

Numbuh 4 gasped, "Medieval Numbuh 5! I know how to handle this: With a little hand-to-hand combat!

Both then charged at each other, and Numbuh 4 headbutted her into a rock.

The Dark Knight looked up at him in shock, "By the hammer of Odin, this be a new fighting style my eyes have not yet seen."

Numbub 4 cheered, "I am bad! Oh, yeah!" Whoo!

"Doth thou tryeth to insult me? Thou willst drink from the fountain of shame!"

"Pssh, did you hear that, Kuki? I told you she zings like a girl."

The Dark Knight then came at him again, destroying Numbuh 4's armor and throwing him into a rock. Numbuh 4 ended up having his legs and arms crossed.

He laughed, "Good one, Medieval Numbuh 5! But can you handle my feet of fury?"

He tried to attack the Dark Knight again but the Dark Knight jumped out of the way as Numbuh 4 bounced off the rock and into Dark Knight sending her into the other rock. Numbuh 4 attacked her again, but the Dark Knight pinned him against the rock.

"Wouldst thou like a little rub down?" The Dark started rubbing Numbuh 4's head, dust came from his hair causing her to cough. Numbuh 4 turned and karate chopped the Dark Knight, who fell to her knees, "You have bested me, short knight... Strike quick and true, noble boy..."

"I don't understand a word you just said!" Numbuh 4 laughed.

The Dark Knight then collapsed and remained still.

"Uhh, Medieval Numbuh 5, you don't look so good. Numbuh 5? Numbuh 5…?"

...

The next moment, water was thrown onto the Dark Knight, reviving her.

"Kuki, it's working!" Numbuh 4 exclaimed, "Do it again."

Numbuh 3 gargled and spit on the Dark Knight again.

The Dark Knight got to her feet and bowed before the trio, "Thou hath spared me, kind and noble boy. And to thee, I owe a debt of gratitude, for I will follow you on your quest to defeat Benedict, and learn to trifle of that hand-to-hand combat."

"Yeah, hand-to-hand combat!" Numbuh 4 cheered, karate chopping Hogwise in the head.

"Oweth." Hogwise said, rubbing his head.

Back at the castle, King Uno was approached by one of his henchmen.

"Your Majesty! Your Majesty! A scroll hath arrived for thee!"

King Uno read the message, "'Thou must hand over thy village and thy throne or thy wife shall be dipped into a cauldron of lava?!' Rachel!"

Queen Rachel's screams could be heard by our heroes.

"That be the shriek of the fair queen!" Hogwise cried, then proceeded to sing:

_Hark, Queen Rachel, she screams from the tower, _

_By the sound of her shrieks this is her final hour._

"Then time be of the essence." The Dark Knight replied, "Doth we all remember thy plan?"

"No, uhh, I mean yes!" Numbuh 3 cried, "Yes! That's what I said, heh. Yes."

"Then let us forge on. Make way, heathens! Dark Knight coming through."

"State thy business, Dark Knight." A guard commanded.

"These village idiots are conspirators against Master Benedict and I needeth know which form of torture thy master wishes upon these wretched fools! Do I have their limbs tied to horses and swiftly yanked apart? Rip! Or pluck each individual eyelash one by one, taking away their every single last eyelash wish!"

That made Numbuh 3 scream.

"Very well, Dark Knight. Entrance be granted."

Numbuh 3 continued to scream.

"Halt!" Commanded the guard, "Make a wish!"

He then plucked one of Numbuh 3's eyelashes.

"Wow, goodsome thinking, Lady Numbuh 3." The Dark Night said, "Posing as a frightened wee babe in ye ol' diapers did make it most believable."

"Yeah, you think we fooled them?" Numbuh 4 asked.

Suddenly, they heard Queen Rachel scream.

"Queen Rachel! I must fulfill the prophecy while you untie Numbuh 3 and the royal doofus."

"That be royal fool." Hogwise corrected.

Numbuh 4 ran up the stairs followed by the rest of the group.

"Hang on, Rachel, we're coming to rescue you!" He started panting as he kept going, "We're a-comin'! Almost there. Oh, holy crud!"

Lord Benedict could be heard shouting in triumph, "Soon, the King's village will be mine, mine, mine!"

Rachel screamed again.

"Unhand her, fiend!" Numbuh 4 demanded, out of breath.

"The prophecy is nigh!" Queen Rachel exclaimed.

"We're here to rescue you, Rachel. Whew! Can I get a glass of water?"

Lord Benedict held up two glasses of water, "Sparkling or regular?"

He then tossed the waters away, "Psycheth!"

Numbuh 3 gasped, "You truly are the nastiest wizard in all of the land."

"Prepare to be vanquished!" Numbuh 4 shouted.

Lord Benedict laughed, "Bring it oneth, knave."

Numbuh 4 dashed forward and leapt into the air to attack Lord Benedict. Since he had his eyes closed, he didn't notice that he had knocked the wizard to the ground and now was on top of his chest.

Numbuh 4 looked around, confused, "What the…? Where…? Oh…"

Numbuh 4 laughed and looked down at the wizard who was now pinned to the ground, "I didn't see you, I had my eyes closed."

Benedict then threw Numbuh 4 off his chest, got up and tried to use his magic on Numbuh 4. But the shock from the fall had reduced his fire powers to small zaps of electricity.

Numbuh 4 started laughing as the wizard kept zapping him, "That tickles! Weak powers! Weak powers!"

As Lord Benedict continued zapping Numbuh 4, the rest of the group freed Queen Rachel, but she crashed through the weak rooftop.

"I be-eth okay." Rachel called.

Suddenly, the dragons zapped Numbuh 4.

"Wow… huh?" Lord Benedict exclaimed, then noticed the dragons, "Yes! Yes! Sicketh them children!"

The dragons proceeded to chase them.

"Perhaps a soothing limerick will calm thee." Hogwise said to the dragons as they cornered him:

_There once were five dragons so handsome and smart, _

_They let me go free for they all had big hearts._

The dragons then zapped him.

"Everyone be-eth a critic."

"Hi-ya!" The Dark Knight exclaimed, attacking dragons

The dragons then zapped her.

"No! No! No!" Numbuh 3 cried, before getting zapped.

"Dead end for you, simpleton!" Lord Benedict declared, laughing.

Numbuh 4 then remembered something, "Wait a second."

He then got out the butterfly net and captured the dragons, "Wow, the kids back home will never believe this."

"I'm right here and I don't believe it." Numbuh 3 remarked.

Suddenly, the dragons zapped their way out of the net.

"No! No! No! No!" Numbuhs 3 and 4 cried in unison.

Numbuh 4 looked at Numbuh 3, "Well, I guess this is it, Kuki."

"Yeah." Numbuh 3 replied sadly, "Hey, can we eat those Rainbow Munchies now?"

"Sure, Kooks."

Numbuh 4 then took out the bag and opened it, taking out some of the cereal.

"Yay!" Numbuh 3 cheered.

The dragons saw the cereal, then sniffed it before taking it.

"Hey!"

"Numbuh 3, look!" Numbuh 4 exclaimed, "They're eating the Rainbow Munchies."

The dragons took another sniff of the cereal and then ate it.

"Huh?" Numbuh 3 was horrified, "No! No! No-o-o! The horror! The horror!"

"No, Kuki," explained Numbuh 4, "it's a good thing."

"It is?"

"Sure it is! Just look at them. They love that cereal".

Lord Benedict looked at the dragons, "Forsooth. What be-eth going on here? Destroy them! Do it now or so help me..."

"Umm, I'd be more than happy to get you some more of those delicious Rainbow Munchies." Numbuh 4 said to the dragons, who in turn zapped Benedict.

"Curses!" Lord Benedict cried, "You win."

"Make way!" Hogarth called out to the cheering crowd, "Thy king's heroes cometh through."

_Hark! Ring the bell, 'tis all ended well! _

_The dragons are vanquished, Queen Rachel returned, _

_And only a few of us got badly burned!_

King Uno pulled his wife into a hug, "At last, we are together again! And the kingdom is finally safe."

As everyone was celebrating, Hogwise began to play his harmonica.

This drew the disgust of a few citizens.

"That horrible noise!"

"Make it stop!"

One of them threw a rock at Hogwise, which made him fall down, causing the horses to launch Numbuhs 3 and 4 into the air and back down where it was now the present.

"Hey kid," the woman dressed as a queen asked, "are you okay? That was some fall you had."

"Oh," groaned Numbuh 4, "I guess I shouldn't have agitated that horse. That was some dream, huh, Kuki? Kuki?"

Numbuh 3 moved over and pointed at the ground, "Try telling that to Hogwise."

Numbuh 3 had landed on Hogwise, squishing him.

...

**Big news! I'm on Deviantart under the same username. I have a poll up on there, and nobody has voted yet. You see, I have so many ideas that I don't know what to put down first.**

**Okay, I'm done complaining now.**

**Also, I'm sorry for any OOC-ness.**


End file.
